We are pleased to announce the immediate availability of Human Body Release 4.0 to all existing users of prior releases. These enhancements represent significant changes to the product and promise to greatly increase usability and user satisfaction.
From: Human Body Development Group To: Human Body Users Re: Human Body Release 4.0 - List of Enhancements
- An extra bone and joint have been added between the wrist and forearm to facilitate scratching of 100% of the surface of one's own back.
- Teeth have now been made to regenerate (similar to fingernail and toenail regeneration fix in last PTF level). When cavities or fractures occur, simply grind down to the root or extract altogether and a new tooth will grow back in about 60 days.
- Reproductive organs have been moved to the center of the chest so as not to cause confusion/concerns with excretory organs and to be closer to the heart.
- An additional valve has been added to the reproductive organs so that birth control can take place directly under complete control of the user without any artificial workarounds such pills, condoms, diaphragms, IUDs and the like. Durable tissue surrounds this valve so that high pressures may be contained fully.
- At long last, a special pouch has been added to the female anatomy so that babies may be born easily without any pain or trauma to mother and infant after a successful Beta test in Australia. This feature will be added to all other mammals in their next release.
- A second throat has been added to separate breathing functions from eating and drinking. Our apologies are extended to choke victims, but we were up against a tight deadline in Human Body Release 3.0 and could only coordinate the release of a single throat.
The mouth and existing throat remain identical to prior releases, and the addition of a second mouth has been placed in the back of the neck. We chose this location as not to interfere with kissing and virtually eliminate the possibility of inhaling bugs while jogging or riding a bicycle. To minimize upgrade impact, the nose and sense of smell remain in their existing location, but obviously have been reconnected to the new breathing throat as opposed to the drinking/eating throat. Neck diameter has unavoidably increased due to the extra throat so shirt conversion kits will be supplied with this release.
- Finally, the appendix is no longer supported and has therefore been removed. If there are any existing appendix users out there, we would appreciate hearing from you since we have forgotten why we put it there in the first place.
All of these enhancements have stemmed directly from your suggestions so please keep your comments flowing to our brilliant Product Managers. If you have any comments on the implementation of these enhancements please call our support staff directly.